What Happens To the Ones Who Leave?

What Happens To the Ones Who Leave?

This is a really great piece. Please take the time to read it and think about it. Unlike the author, I do have kids. Still, she is right on point with regard to what I’m feeling at this point. I’m terrified for my kids, but I don’t know how to convey any lessons to them from this episode in my life. I am also still holding on to some anger. Today, a Sunday, Demi left me and the boys at 11:30 am to run off to her paramour. No sign of hesitation or remorse. She’s trapped in the world she created, and can’t seem to find the door. But perhaps she doesn’t want to, and is simply oblivious.

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

What happens to the ones who leave?

The ones who lie and deceive and then walk out the door into their next chapter without so much as a glance behind.

Do they feel pain? Guilt? Remorse?

Are they happy with their decisions and in their new lives?

Or do they regret the choices that ended their marriages?

For many of us, we will never know. Even if you still have contact with your ex (or keep tabs on his or her whereabouts), the life they put on display for the world may well be a front. And even if they do come back, crying about how upset they are, do you believe the tears? Or are they of the crocodile variety?

It’s common to wonder how your ex is doing. After all, they were once your partner in life, and how they felt directly impacted you. And now that they’re…

View original post 1,068 more words

Advertisements

Read This If You’re Facing Relationship Collapse

I’ve read a great deal of things since discovering that my wife was cheating on me eleven months ago. At first, of course, I sunk into an emotional abyss and wallowed in self-pity. Eventually, I came around: I knew that I could find solace if I only looked. I looked hard. Really hard. It took me a while, but I found the ONE THING. This is the book:

Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends (Oakland, CA: Impact Publishers, 2016, 4th ed.)

This is the single most important work I’ve found to help navigate the uncertainty, the clouded thoughts, and the raw emotional trauma of the pre- and post-divorce process. In my case, there was a section that described the situation between Demi and myself to a T. When I read it, I was so overcome that I threw the book across the room and stared straight ahead in horror. I wish I had seen it earlier. It was a section about rebellion. Her rebellion. And it wasn’t rebellion against me at all. Instead, it was against stress and everything else in her life and in her past. I remember that at one point last summer, when Demi found out that I had sought the company of another woman, Demi had said to me, “I never expected that you would abandon me.”

“But you abandoned me,” I had said.

I didn’t understand then, but now I do. Yes… she abandoned me first, but then I returned the kindness. I shouldn’t have.

I retrieved the book from across the room and read the section again. Could I have seen that coming? Maybe… if I’d only read this first. Then it would have been in the forefront of my mind. If only…

If you’re facing the end or potential end of your love relationship, I strongly suggest you read it.

/.m

The Process Begins

After being assaulted again on Sunday, January 29, I have decided to proceed with the process of divorcing Demi. Although this Sunday’s incident didn’t involve drinking, it did involve  great deal of anger on her part. She took a swing at me, and I caught her arm before she connected. She made a loud fuss about “don’t touch me!” “Keep your hands off me!” All in front of the kids. Then she came close enough to kiss me and said, “you’re a worthless piece of sh!t…” and spit directly in my face. The source of her anger that day is completely unknown. I haven’t given her any reason to explode like that in quite some time. Well… maybe it was the eye roll when she said she was “going for a walk.” I’d heard that many, many times before. It was never “a walk.”

She did leave, however, and returned about two hours later. Perhaps it was a walk. She also didn’t disappear for very long on Saturday—well, not the normal seven-eight hours.

No matter. I had a conference with my attorney this morning. She suggested I might consider a police report on the assault. I called the county sheriff and discussed it, learning that criminal charges would probably be in order based on a successful investigation, and based on the fact the she’d been arrested for domestic violence in September. I’ve decided to back off for now.

Stay tuned.

/.m