I’ve read a great deal of things since discovering that my wife was cheating on me eleven months ago. At first, of course, I sunk into an emotional abyss and wallowed in self-pity. Eventually, I came around: I knew that I could find solace if I only looked. I looked hard. Really hard. It took me a while, but I found the ONE THING. This is the book:
Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends (Oakland, CA: Impact Publishers, 2016, 4th ed.)
This is the single most important work I’ve found to help navigate the uncertainty, the clouded thoughts, and the raw emotional trauma of the pre- and post-divorce process. In my case, there was a section that described the situation between Demi and myself to a T. When I read it, I was so overcome that I threw the book across the room and stared straight ahead in horror. I wish I had seen it earlier. It was a section about rebellion. Her rebellion. And it wasn’t rebellion against me at all. Instead, it was against stress and everything else in her life and in her past. I remember that at one point last summer, when Demi found out that I had sought the company of another woman, Demi had said to me, “I never expected that you would abandon me.”
“But you abandoned me,” I had said.
I didn’t understand then, but now I do. Yes… she abandoned me first, but then I returned the kindness. I shouldn’t have.
I retrieved the book from across the room and read the section again. Could I have seen that coming? Maybe… if I’d only read this first. Then it would have been in the forefront of my mind. If only…
If you’re facing the end or potential end of your love relationship, I strongly suggest you read it.
After being assaulted again on Sunday, January 29, I have decided to proceed with the process of divorcing Demi. Although this Sunday’s incident didn’t involve drinking, it did involve great deal of anger on her part. She took a swing at me, and I caught her arm before she connected. She made a loud fuss about “don’t touch me!” “Keep your hands off me!” All in front of the kids. Then she came close enough to kiss me and said, “you’re a worthless piece of sh!t…” and spit directly in my face. The source of her anger that day is completely unknown. I haven’t given her any reason to explode like that in quite some time. Well… maybe it was the eye roll when she said she was “going for a walk.” I’d heard that many, many times before. It was never “a walk.”
She did leave, however, and returned about two hours later. Perhaps it was a walk. She also didn’t disappear for very long on Saturday—well, not the normal seven-eight hours.
No matter. I had a conference with my attorney this morning. She suggested I might consider a police report on the assault. I called the county sheriff and discussed it, learning that criminal charges would probably be in order based on a successful investigation, and based on the fact the she’d been arrested for domestic violence in September. I’ve decided to back off for now.